05 October 2007

Niles Crane is angry and he's not gonna take it anymore.

Last Friday, Sarah D. asked if I wanted an extra free ticket to the Rangers-Islanders game at Madison Square Garden. Why not? I had an open evening, and had never been to MSG.

Little did either of us know, she COULD have posed the question THIS way:

“Do you want to go to a top shelf open bar suite with an all-you-can eat buffet for free? Oh, by the way, there’s also hockey game going on….....Yeah? Ok. Meet me at 6:45 in front of Madison Square Garden.”

To say that things got out of hand fairly quickly is somewhat of an understatement.

To say that we considered calling the MSG “concierge” to have them bring us another bottle of Johnny Walker because we had already gone through one bottle by the second period, but didn’t have to because the concierge replenished it automatically, would be accurate.

To say that I didn’t consume a week’s worth of food and at least a weekend’s worth of drink would be a total fucking lie.

I don’t know who won the game. I think it was the Rangers. But by that time, Sarah and I were lying on the suite floor. BECAUSE WE COULD. An hour after the game, when the MSG staff told us it was time to pack up, we headed on our trek back uptown.

Our trek involved a stop at what I can only describe as “Disco McDonalds” so that I could use the bathroom, and Papaya King so that Sarah could get the most disgusting looking hotdog I had ever seen. Then, As we rounded 45th Street towards Mike and Sarah’s apartment, Sarah had a glorious idea.

As a bit of background, David Hyde Pierce (AKA Niles Crane on “Frasier”) is starring in a play on the corner of Mike and Sarah’s block. The first weekend I was in the city Sarah and I were walking through a crosswalk and I saw DHP walk right by us. And of course pointed him out. The following week, Mike and Sarah saw DHP on their block hugging Liza Minelli (AKA “Lucille 2”).

Anyway, Sarah’s glorious idea was to wait outside of the theatre with the rest of the post-play crowd that had gathered and meet David Hyde Pierce.

I was pretty amused by this idea. Mike was not amused AT ALL. But he basically got outvoted because I always love watching people make fools of themselves. Which of course was inevitable. Every time a cast member came through the stage exit, Sarah took a picture with them and even had one actress sign her arm with a Sharpie.

We were both visibly and olfactorally intoxicated, which really pissed off the Playbill-carrying crowd patrons (everyone but us). The actors and actresses went along with it and kind of had fun with us.

UNTIL David Hyde Pierce appeared. I guess he was wearing something that had to do with his role or part of his costume or something, but he was wearing a Boston Police Department hat and polo. So after he signed a receipt that Sarah pulled out of her pocket, I asked him if he was from Boston.

DHP: No.
LG: Then what’s with all the Boston garb?
DHP: Well MAYBE if you’d come see the SHOW you’d KNOW.

[Mental note: OOOOOHHHH Snap. I totally just got carried by Niles Crane.]

Sarah: Well we just live next door.
DHP: Well then you really have no excuse.
LG: Um, Ok. Maybe we’ll get tickets.
DHP: Get tickets, come back, and I’ll sign your Playbill.

[end scene.]

Mike, who has been totally embarrassed by the whole situation that had ensued over the previous 20 minutes had a smug look on his face, “You just made mortal enemies with DAVID HYDE PIERCE.”

The next morning, I met up with them to head to a bar for the Penn State game. Sarah still had “Deborah Monk” scribbled in Sharpie on her upper arm.


Sarah said...

This is one of your funniest entries to date.

Luna said...

Hi! Wow. lol. I am huge fan of David Hyde Pierce and have been wanting to see his show so badly! But I live across the country. So when I randomly stumbled upon this while searching for Frasier stuff I got a big kick out of it you have no idea. Turns out he's kind of a priss? lol Your title's quite funny. So thanks so much for my biggest laugh in weeks. At least.