31 March 2008

Mini Cupcakes and Trading Cards

I went to this fundraiser thing on Friday night. I use the term “fundraiser” loosely, since I almost certainly drank the worth of what I paid for my ticket at the open bar.

I met a guy there. He walked in on me smoking out of the bathroom window. That’s how we met. Which, way to go Leslie. CLASSY first impression. Anyway, he didn’t seem to mind. I also don’t think he must’ve raised many funds either, from the way he was slurring his words and kept asking me the same question over and over again.

“What are you doing tomorrow?”
“I’m going to a sample sale in Williamsburg and then to the movies.”
“So, What are you doing tomorrow?”
“I’m going to a sample sale. In Brooklyn.”
“Why Brooklyn?”
“Cause that’s where it is.”

[20 minutes later]

“So, what are you doing tomorrow?”
“I’m going to Brooklyn and then to a movies at Union Square.”
“Really, What movie?”

My answer was news to him. Every time.

A few of us (not single question guy—which—I don’t know which is worse: 20 questions guy or single question guy??) went to a bar once the fundraiser wore down. And we stayed out drinking until about 5.

I really hadn’t taken a 5 am bedtime into account in my weekend plans, but I wasn’t about to let that deter me.

So, I ventured out to Williamsburg on Saturday for the Built By Wendy sample sale, but it was really too crowded to move, and I didn’t see anything on first glance that I really loved. I moved down the street to this local artist market setup. Had original stuff, vintage stuff, flea market finds, used books, etc.

There was also a lady there peddling mini cupcakes. One of the featured varieties was lemon cake with vanilla frosting. I’ll eat pretty much anything lemon flavored, so I was sold. You might know that my friend Sarah is a cupcake enthusiast, so I emailed her about the cupcakes when I got home. All I said was I had a mini cupcake in Williamsburg and she knew exactly who made them and where!

This place: http://kumquatcupcakery.blogspot.com/

That’s right! I couldn’t remember the name, but—indeed—it was boxes of kumquat cupcakes that were being sold.

Anyway, the lemon-vanilla mini cupcake was delicious. They also had red velvet mini cupcakes for sale, which I hope to try on a return trip.

After I finished my cupcake, I stumbled upon what is probably the most awesome item being offered for sale in the whole flea market (women of the 80’s, get ready to have your mind blown):

Packs of New Kids on the Block and Beverly Hills 90210 trading cards.

I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t a former collector. But I definitely hadn’t seen a pack in 15 years. Thing was, I couldn’t bring myself to spend $3 on a pack, even for nostalgias sake. I knew they’d end up just sitting around and cluttering my tiny apartment.

When I told Rachel my rationale, she was appalled.

Rachel: um you could frame the cards and hang them above your bed and say good night to them every night

Rachel: good night joey sleep tight

Leslie: um, try jordan.

After my adventures in Williamsburg, I went to the movies to see the new Audrey Tautau flim: “Hors de Prix” (Priceless). Supposedly a French remake of Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

Breakfast at Tiffany’s it was not. But a cute, lighthearted film nonetheless. Next on my list: Run, Fat Boy, Run. I JUST FOUND OUT Michael Ian Black wrote it. So it can’t be bad. It just CAN’T.

18 March 2008

I've become a parody of myself

My weekend turned out to be pretty well-rounded, especially if you considered I managed to fit in a handful things I like, as indicated by this website, which someone CLEARLY wrote about me.

So, here—I give you my entire weekend, chronologically, itemized by topic according to stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com:

#35-The Daily Show/Colbert Report—I reached the pinnacle of my PR career as I booked one of my clients for Colbert in April. While Oprah or the Today Show might be the benchmark of success for some in my industry, Colbert is my benchmark of success.

#48-Whole Foods and Grocery Co-Ops—On my way home after work, I stopped at Whole foods to pick up dinner, which included…

#6-Organic food—A loaf of organic fresh-baked italian bread, triple cream brie and apricot jam. (Although, I didn;t have much of a choice--you can't NOT buy organic bread at Whole Foods). When I got home, I opened a bottle of…

#24-Wine—Merlot. It's all I had left red-wise, and not my first choice, but it's been sitting there since mid-December. I sliced off some bread and poured a glass and joined my roommate in watching…

#85-The Wire—Actually, this is a total lie. We watched 2 episodes of In Treatment. But if you read the description from “The Wire” post, it applies to all shows that are "critically acclaimed, low-rated, shown on premium cable, and available as a DVD box set. The latter is important so that white people can order it from Netflix and tell their friends "they are really into and I watched ten episodes in a row in the weekend. I'm almost caught up."

On that same note, "If you attempt to talk about an episode they have not seen yet, they will scream and cover their ears. In white culture, giving away information about a film or TV series is considered as rude as spitting on your mothers grave. It is an unforgivable offense." This is true in that I won't sit in the same room with my roommate if she is farther along and watching episodes ahead of me.

Also, The Wire season 2 is currently the #3 item in my Netflix queue.

After In Treatment, my roommate headed out to Brooklyn and I decided to stay home and watch…

#10-Wes Anderson Movies—Some of you may know that I saw Bottle Rocket in 1994. But I had just purchased the latest from my fave director: The Darjeeling Limited. Picked up the DVD at the Borders above Whole Foods on my way home from work. I ended up getting really frustrated, though, when my DVD player decided to go nuts on me, forcing me to play it on one of my…

#40-Apple products—I popped it in my MacBook and set it on the coffee table. Thought the movie was even better the second time around (I, of course, saw it in theaters as soon as it came out). Went to bed at a decent hour because I was meeting Mike and Sarah the next day for the South Street Seaport…

#89-St. Patricks Day—Bar Stroll. THIS was actually not my scene at all. But the weather was gorgeous, the people-watching was second-to-none, and the beer was cheap. For the week leading up to this event, Sarah and I knew that the big special that day was going to be $3 Miller Chills. Neither of us had ever tasted a "Miller Chill," but that didn't stop us from making fun of (a) how it tastes and (2) the people who drink it. So the first drink we both ordered was, of course, a Miller Chill, if only for the...

#50—Irony—of it. This is what Miller Chill tastes like: Imagine a cup half full of Miller Lite. Then imagine someone time-traveling back to 1991 and buying a pack of "Squeeze It" artificially flavor lime beverages, coming back to the future and adding it into the Miller Cup, shaking it around and forcing you to drink it. I'm guessing you're imagining a non-forced gag reflex.

The rest of the day I drank regular Miller Lite and, when went to dinner at one of the restaurants nearby, I ordered a passion fruit margarita (they were out of mango margaritas) with my fish tacos.

I got home in time to take a power nap before turning on Saturday Night Live, which was CARRIED this week by Kristin Wiig. it seemed she was in every sketch. Not that I mind. In fact, when I saw them setting up for Target Lady, a little bit of pee came out. The women of SNL have become the force behind the show, a thesis which is supported by this month's issue of Vanity Fair featuring cover models Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and…

#52—Sarah Silverman—The headline says: "Who Says Women Aren't Funny?" I immediately bought a copy. It's like smart girl porn.

Where was I? Ah, yes: Sunday morning. This brings me to:

#9—Making you feel bad about not going outside—I pull this one on myself regularly. My favorite way to make myself get functional on the weekends is to make myself feel bad about not going outside. This Sunday, it was raining. I really didn't have anything I had to get done. But Leslie: "What the fuck are you doing with your life?" So I picked up a copy of the...

#46—Sunday New York Timesand walked in the rain to the…

#5- Farmers Market—not the big Sunday Greenmarket up on Columbus (it WAS raining) but the ramble shamble indoor farmers market on 52nd Street that my roommate has been raving about for the past month. Apparently, she claims, “it's sooooo cheap.” I only had like, $9 cash on me, so I was conservative with what I put in my basket. Come to find out, when the lady rang me up, that I bought my whole weeks worth of produce for just under $6. It IS soooooooo cheap! Loaded my goods into my reusable cloth bag because I reduce, reuse and

#64--Recycle--and went back to my…

#26--Manhattan—apartment. I cooked toasts (organic) topped with a mix of garlic, roasted red peppers, broccoli and Portobello mushrooms, broiled with a thin layer of gouda cheese on top. I thought about making a smoothie, but I have yet to figure out which blender model will give me the most bang for my buck. I've been soliciting suggestions recently, as I've had problems in the past with getting a non-lumpy end product. Also on my…

#54—Kitchen Gadgets—list: A large saute pan and a panini press. I mean, I'm a fan of

#63—Expensive sandwiches—but seriously, I could save a lot of money by just making my own pseudo-expensive sandwiches with a panini press. Money that I could use towards things like

#87—Outdoor Performance Clothes…
#76—Bottles of Water…

…and, one day, keeping a…


…on retainer for when I inevitably get…


But, I know. I know. I'm getting ahead of myself.

In order for that to happen, I first need to find someone who will marry me. After the wedding, we’ll probably buy a hybrid car, get a dog, and in a few years, adopt a child from a foreign country. Of course we'll send him to a French preschool, deprive him of television, and encourage his NPR-listening habits from a young age. He’ll eventually grow to hate his parents and squander his 20’s away on various masters degree programs in useless liberal arts programs before finally deciding to just go to law school.

Anyway, that’s a few years down the road, so I’m not even going to worry about it now. What I’m worried about now is this $10 burning a hole in my pocket for a smoked turkey and Gruyere with rosemary aioli on sun-dried tomato foccacia from that deli on the corner. Lunchtime!

I seriously don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore.

10 March 2008

Casino Royale: Better than Norbit!

I was so grossly offended by Rachel’s review of Casino Royale that I felt the need to post a rebuttal (in addition to my extensively long comment on her blog).

Her opinion is so disgustingly incorrect, that I at first seriously questioned if we were even talking about the same movie.

Listen. I own the DVD. I’ve seen it somewhere in the double-digits amount of times. It’s actually one of my go-to DVDs that I pop in if I can’t decide what I’m in the mood for—cause I am ALWAYS in the mood for Daniel Craig, high-stakes poker games, eastern European scenery and EXPLOSIONS!!

One day, I was watching it and my roommate (who had never seen the movie) came home in the middle of it-- during the airport chase scene. By the time that terrorist guy blew up, she was fully invested and deep into "yelling-at-the-TV" mode.

Meanwhile “Rachel” (if that’s even REALLY her name. I don’t know WHAT to believe anymore) claims she fell asleep during that scene.

Other preposterous claims she makes about the movie:

She implies there is no Aston Martin in the movie. WRONG. In fact, it’s the silliest Aston Martin to date. Details: http://www.seriouswheels.com/cars/top-2006-Aston-Martin-DBS-James-Bond-Casino-Royale.htm

She implies that James drove a Ford something or other. First of all, for about 2 seconds when he arrives in the Bahamas. It’s a rental. Obviously she missed the deleted scene where Avis fucked up his reservation. I mean, let’s be real. Last time I rented a car, I was told it was going to be a Ford Focus. And then I end up getting a Kia Specta. What the FUCK?!?!

Furthermore, he uses the Ford to run into another car. Why waste an Aston Martin on a strategic fender bender?

Other reasons she is wrong:
--Dame Judi Dench is in it. Her bas ass-ness is not even up for argument.

--The car chase scene broke the world record for most stunt flips EVER. How can you claim this movie doesn’t deliver in the action department when it’s actually a PROVABLE point that you’ve never seen anything like that before in your life?


I WISH I could pull off bootie shorts like that.

--The running chase scene at the beginning is not special FX. They really jumped off cranes! The villain is the guy who invented extreme running! He invented a sport!

--It’s 94% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. Other movies that AREN’T 94% fresh:

  • Michael Clayton (91%)
  • Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (92%) I know that stings, you Hobbit-enthusiast!
  • Atonement (82%)
  • Norbit (9%)
  • The Departed (92%)—You know what? That’s actually just plain wrong. I love Casino Royale, but it is in NO way sillier than The Departed. See? I know when to admit inferiority, even if it does make for a hole in my argument. But being slightly less good than The Departed is not shabby by any means. I am, however, going to blacklist any reviewer that gave The Departed a rotten review.

Listen, I know a good movie when I see one. And I actually I find it really frustrating that someone would argue against this near-perfect addition to one of the most celebrated franchises in movie history. Maybe it’s one of those things that you’re only finding fault in because everyone hyped it up so much. But if you’d have seen other Bond movies (especially anything during the Pierce Brosnan period of the franchise), this is inarguably one of the best.

OR--maybe if everyone had panned it, you’d have thought “Hey, that wasn’t so bad.” But, of course, that scenario is impossible because no one would ever universally pan a movie as BAZILLY as Casino Royale!

Anyway, Rachel (and any other reader that also hates on Casino Royale), I can agree to disagree on this as long as we just bury the discussion now. What I cannot agree to disagree on is anyone who disputes the awesomeness of this:

Best video movie ever? Best video movie ever.

03 March 2008

Midnight train to that bar that serves nachos across the street

I traveled to Atlanta for a wedding over the weekend, with high hopes that once Sunday came around, I’d be able to check another item off the ol’ bucket list: Dining at a Chicken and Waffles restaurant.

To be perfectly honest, I was unaware of the “chicken and waffles phenomena” until just a couple of years ago. But I immediately connected with the idea. Chicken? Goooooood. Waffles? Goooooooood. The combination, in my mind, would be nothing short of spectacular.

So you can imagine my delight after 2 long years of knowing about, but never actually dining on a combination of chicken and waffles, when my friend Katie alerted me that Gladys Knight has a C&W establishment in Atlanta, not 5 miles from where we were staying.

Would this be the weekend? Would I finally get authentic chicken and waffles? Would the restaurant be playing Gladys Knight music EXCLUSIVELY? I had visions of rotisseries and griddles operating in perfect time to “Midnight Train to Georgia.”

We had big plans to journey to Gladys’s bistro after the wedding that the 6 of us were in town for (it’s open until 3am).

At the reception, I was still full from the cheeseburger and PBR-in-a-brown-bag I had for lunch at this cute little restaurant across the street from where we were staying. In addition, I was also determined not to ruin my chicken and waffles appetite. So for dinner, I limited myself to just a scoop of mashed potatoes, a swiss cake roll and 7 glasses of wine.

I know what you’re thinking: Mashed potatoes would taste delicious with chicken and waffles! I know, me too. We’re on the same wavelength.

I’ll tell you what kind of people I am NOT on the same wavelength with: people who question the presence of Swiss Cake Rolls at a wedding. It took me a lot of restraint not to dig into this before social conventions deemed it appropriate:

So, congratulations to the new husband and wife, Cheryl and Corey. I’d like to take this opportunity to let you know that I stuck an oatmeal cream pie from the groom's cake table in my vintage clutch purse for the ride back.

By the time we made it back to the apartment to change out of our wedding attire (well, some of us), the wine had defeated my morale (the part of my morale based in the chicken and waffles part of my brain) and the struggle ended with a deal to go somewhere that provided more immediacy, alcohol-wise,…and somewhere that served…NACHOS!

So, chicken and waffles will have to wait. But, from my diet of alcohol, Little Debbies and nachos over the weekend, I am in deep into detox mode this week, which I'm pretty sure does not allow for any sort of soul food whatsoever.