18 June 2009

For Your Consideration: A Rainy Day Movie Concept

I’m not going to editorialize following conversation. I want to share with you the verbatim e-mail exchange that has unfolded on this rainy, dreary morning. But to put it into some sort of semi-logical context, last Friday, our office had a pizza party (yes, it’s as if our 8th grade class just kicked your 8th grade class’s ass on our Citizenship Exam scores) and the conversation turned to parrots. One of my co-workers brought up Alex the parrot, the first animal to understand the concept of zero. I was so intrigued that he had to pull up video on YouTube to convince me that Alex was real. It’s fucking incredible, and you should all watch it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6KvPN_Wt8I

He’s smart enough to count, identify colors and shapes, do elementary arithmetic and more. But what really blew me away is that he is smart enough to make up excuses to get OUT of having to do math. He really reminded me of some toddlers I know. (sadly, this is Alex’s obituary tribute from a couple years ago: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4gTR4tkvcM )

Later that night at Sarah’s apartment, I tried to explain the wonder that was Alex the parrot, but she just kept laughing at my bird impressions. She really needed to watch the video to understand how serious I was about this math bird. And thinking about it now, that video is ABSOLUTELY the source from which the concept of Brian Fellow’s Safari Plant sprung.

Fast-forward to this week, I came across this gem: http://www.cracked.com/blog/matthew-mcconaugheys-next-10-movies/ and shared it with Sarah. Her response (“What about him acting with a counting bird? Where's that movie poster?”), set off a chain of ridiculousness, which follows:

SUBJECT: MM’s 11th Movie

He's a world-renowned avian math professor more commonly known as the "bird whisperer." She's an out-of-work circus performer with a soul-crushing fear of birds after an unfortunate run-in with a pigeon during a near-fatal trapeze accident.
Adam the Algebra Cockatoo is an unlikely matchmaker in:

The Lovebirds

Coming this Fall
Starring Matthew McConaughey and Lucy Liu, with Bill Hader as the voice of Adam

PS--I think if we can figure a scene such as this into the film somehow, we can get away with saying "based on a true story"

SUBJECT: RE: MM’s 11th Movie

It was a crazy busy day yesterday so I finally caught up on my bird videos.

1. You movie plot is amazing. We need an agent.

2. "Go back? Go back" "No, we can't go back yet." That bird lady is nuts and I feel bad for the deceased Alex.

3. Totally agree on the "true story" aspect. We'll flesh this out at Ganter's party this weekend.

4. Met a zoologist/animal behaviorist this weekend... so it was seriously a weekend of animal stories. He was British and teaches at Purdue... and he is totally crazy. It was an amazing conversation.

bet you are going to be crazy busy a lot more now that you a bigwig senior analyst....awwwwwwwww snizz-ap.

Dude. this rain + Ganter's roof would be shitty. It needs to stop for Saturday. Or i will seriously have some words. With myself. Under my breath. Cursing Al Roker (he makes the weather, right?).

Totes the same about the roof. I checked the weather and it said it would be cloudy. So hopefully you can stave off the rain with your curse words. Mike and I are going to hit up the Whole Foods in the Bowery for their special beer stuff and to pick up food to bring as well. Would you like to gather your party goods with us there? What time is the party anyway? All I know that there is S’Mac (ed. note: S’Mac is this totally amazing skillet macaroni-and-cheese restaurant in the East Village) in my future on Saturday, because that is how the last party ended. But this time I WILL NOT get one with figs in it.

Al Roker TOTALLY makes weather. And I hate his face for it.

I have a hair appointment in the East Village at 1pm (I am going back to blond). That'll probably go until 2:30 or so. The party is at 3. So I will totes hit up the Bowery Whole Foods for snack-gathering, it's right near my hair place. We can figure out meeting up via this thing the kids are calling "text messages" or cellular phone.

You should not have mentioned SMAC, because now if it doesn't happen I will be really disappointed. Or I will go by myself and order the family size Buffalo Chicken Mac n' Chz. I will eat 1/4 of it, hop on the D Train to Rockefeller Center, and throw the rest of it in Al Roker's face. Yes, Al, that is blue cheese you taste. Isn't it fucking glorious?

Blond... so fancy!

I laughed out loud with the short film that just played in my head beginning with you carrying the family size portion out of S’Mac and ending with the look on Roker's face. I think I will enter this short film in Cannes... and it will win.

Between your short film and my feature-length bird rom-com, we'll have Palme d'Ors coming out of our asses.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

1. Days with little red dress posts make my day. Days with little red dress posts about bird movies make my week.

2. When my sister was here for the race for the cure, we were walking around gtown and a bird LANDED ON HER HEAD. it was a pigeon so it was totally gross, and we all freaked out and the bird flew away. f'ing birds.

3. somehow your movie should include "if anyone gets shit on by a bird this weekend we'll buy them free drinks"