10 March 2008

Casino Royale: Better than Norbit!

I was so grossly offended by Rachel’s review of Casino Royale that I felt the need to post a rebuttal (in addition to my extensively long comment on her blog).

Her opinion is so disgustingly incorrect, that I at first seriously questioned if we were even talking about the same movie.

Listen. I own the DVD. I’ve seen it somewhere in the double-digits amount of times. It’s actually one of my go-to DVDs that I pop in if I can’t decide what I’m in the mood for—cause I am ALWAYS in the mood for Daniel Craig, high-stakes poker games, eastern European scenery and EXPLOSIONS!!

One day, I was watching it and my roommate (who had never seen the movie) came home in the middle of it-- during the airport chase scene. By the time that terrorist guy blew up, she was fully invested and deep into "yelling-at-the-TV" mode.

Meanwhile “Rachel” (if that’s even REALLY her name. I don’t know WHAT to believe anymore) claims she fell asleep during that scene.

Other preposterous claims she makes about the movie:

She implies there is no Aston Martin in the movie. WRONG. In fact, it’s the silliest Aston Martin to date. Details: http://www.seriouswheels.com/cars/top-2006-Aston-Martin-DBS-James-Bond-Casino-Royale.htm

She implies that James drove a Ford something or other. First of all, for about 2 seconds when he arrives in the Bahamas. It’s a rental. Obviously she missed the deleted scene where Avis fucked up his reservation. I mean, let’s be real. Last time I rented a car, I was told it was going to be a Ford Focus. And then I end up getting a Kia Specta. What the FUCK?!?!

Furthermore, he uses the Ford to run into another car. Why waste an Aston Martin on a strategic fender bender?

Other reasons she is wrong:
--Dame Judi Dench is in it. Her bas ass-ness is not even up for argument.

--The car chase scene broke the world record for most stunt flips EVER. How can you claim this movie doesn’t deliver in the action department when it’s actually a PROVABLE point that you’ve never seen anything like that before in your life?


I WISH I could pull off bootie shorts like that.

--The running chase scene at the beginning is not special FX. They really jumped off cranes! The villain is the guy who invented extreme running! He invented a sport!

--It’s 94% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. Other movies that AREN’T 94% fresh:

  • Michael Clayton (91%)
  • Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (92%) I know that stings, you Hobbit-enthusiast!
  • Atonement (82%)
  • Norbit (9%)
  • The Departed (92%)—You know what? That’s actually just plain wrong. I love Casino Royale, but it is in NO way sillier than The Departed. See? I know when to admit inferiority, even if it does make for a hole in my argument. But being slightly less good than The Departed is not shabby by any means. I am, however, going to blacklist any reviewer that gave The Departed a rotten review.

Listen, I know a good movie when I see one. And I actually I find it really frustrating that someone would argue against this near-perfect addition to one of the most celebrated franchises in movie history. Maybe it’s one of those things that you’re only finding fault in because everyone hyped it up so much. But if you’d have seen other Bond movies (especially anything during the Pierce Brosnan period of the franchise), this is inarguably one of the best.

OR--maybe if everyone had panned it, you’d have thought “Hey, that wasn’t so bad.” But, of course, that scenario is impossible because no one would ever universally pan a movie as BAZILLY as Casino Royale!

Anyway, Rachel (and any other reader that also hates on Casino Royale), I can agree to disagree on this as long as we just bury the discussion now. What I cannot agree to disagree on is anyone who disputes the awesomeness of this:

Best video movie ever? Best video movie ever.


Rachel said...

1. I never said there was NO aston martin involvement, i just stated that the air time that it got was lame and inadequate. and that the lame ford got more air time.
2. he doesnt run the ford into another car, he picks up a range rover to run into the other cars.
3. I agree about The Dame Judy Dench.
4. Not impressed by free style walking.
5. I agree with you that Departed is way better

6. Someone at work today broke off the door to a stall in the bathroom b/c they cant work doors evidently. Or they had to pee THAT bad. at least they made it to the toilet this time.

LG said...

I can't argue with point #6.

Lame Evan said...

btw...extreme running...called parquer and invented in France...little fact. And rachel...you are probably retarded if you don't appreciate the film...or every other James Bond film for that matter especially the 1981 classic "For Your Eyes Only"
10am @

thestark said...

I'll have you know "Norbit" is an Oscar-nominated film.

That's right, FILM.