15 May 2007

"Blam" + "Plot Twist" = Integral Elements of my Video Resume.

So a lot of you know I have reached a decision about moving--I'm doing it! New York. August. Getting an apartment with some friends. So begins the job search. I only recently started looking and applying, but I haven't heard anything yet. And I think I know why. It's because I don't have a video resume.

Video resumes "combine the excitement of a paper resume with the production quality of a home video." Well, just watch this report that Robbie sent me:

I think now is the perfect time for me to get started on producing my video resume. I’m feeling really creatively inspired after watching a movie this weekend. I know what you’re thinking: “It was Spiderman 3, wasn’t it, Leslie?” No, it was not Spiderman 3, reader.

And please know that when I say “creatively inspired” I mean “stupefied by the terribleness” of the movie. The film to which I’m referring is “Smokin’ Aces.”

I went into it knowing it was an action flick/mob movie—with a great cast, mind you: Andy Garcia, Jeremy Piven (OK, a lot of you might not think he’s GREAT, but I love him), Jason Bateman (I will see ANYTHING he’s in), Ray Liotta, Peter Berg, Ben Affleck, Matthew Fox….(note that Ryan Reynolds and Common are also in this movie but I left them out of the “great cast” list for a reason) Have you seen the commercial for the Smokin’ Aces DVD where they just quote the New York Times review? It reads:

“F.B.I.! F.B.I.!” Blam blam blam blam. “[Expletive]. [Expletive].” Blam blam blam. Spurt of blood. Plot twist. “F.B.I.! F.B.I.!” “[Expletive].” Blam blam blam blam blam. “[Expletive].” “F.B.I.!” “Hotel Security!” Blam. Exploding skull. Guy sits on a chain saw. Montage. [Expletive]. Plot twist. Roll credits.”

Well they were fuckin’dead-on with that review.

Oh, except the commercial failed to mention the other part of the review: “A Viagra suppository for compulsive action fetishists and a movie that may not only be dumb in itself, but also the cause of dumbness in others. Watching it is like being smacked in the face for a hundred minutes with a raw sirloin steak.”

Alright, well next in my queue is “Little Children.” I know Kate Winslet’s movies don’t feature a lot of “blam,” but they usually don’t disappoint.


C said...

I don't know about your Smokin' Aces, but I do know this:

I would have the fanciest "commitment ceremony" in the UNIVERSE if I could get Kate Winslet to agree.

And don't sleep on Jennifer Connelley who is my other all-time wo-crush and also stars in that movie. Whoever made that movie was like, "How can I stay mainstream while secretly making porn for the ladies? Eureeka! KW and JC!"

Sarah said...

Sweet! I could use another friend... Are you going to judge me if I live in Queens still? Where might you live? Email me!!!

Jessica said...

so great, right when I move to DC, you leave for New York.......