03 May 2007

Dear Soft Taco Supreme: I Webbed You.

Last night I went to this event called “Shecky’s Girls Night Out” at DAR Constituion Hall. It’s a fashion/beauty/shopping event sponsored by a vodka company and a wine company. So for the $14 we paid to get in, you get a bag full of freebies, unlimited cocktails, and however long you want to shop at the various boutique vendors. Daily Candy was promoting it a couple months ago and tickets were cheap, so Rachel and I signed up. (Good thing, too—because it sold out quickly).

First complaint: Lots of girly cocktails, no food. All I wanted was a beer and some fucking Nachos. When is guys night out? Sign me up for that. They’re lucky the event didn’t coincide with a Mavs game (who by the way are STILL ALIVE. Thank you, Dirk). Anyway—you’d think that if you’re cramming a bunch of girls into a venue with unlimited alcohol I could at least get a Luna Bar or something. Martini olives? Water?? Seriously, I hit Taco Bell with a vengeance after that thing and inhaled a soft taco supreme drenched in Fire Sauce when I got home.

Second complaint: Really, I went to check out the fashion. And most of the booths there were clothing or accessories, with a cosmetic company or birth control promotional stand thrown in here and there. (Yeah, there was a stand for birth control. I guess if you’re going to liquor up a bunch of single city girls and not give them food, its really the only responsible thing). However, there was one stand I did not appreciate. As I was waiting for Rachel to finish looking at some earrings, a person from the next booth over approached me and said “Can I interest you in an orgasm?” Since it wasn’t George Clooney or James Spader doing the asking, and it was in fact some strange lady handing me what appeared to be a coaster of sorts, I looked at her silently as if she had just asked me if she could enslave my firstborn child. Then I just turned to Rachel and pointed. Anyway, the booth was for “Slumber Parties,” specializing in lingerie and “romance enhancers.” If you’ve ever been in a discussion with me about those silly parties, you know its not my cup of tea. And I roll my eyes at the people who throw them. Its not cool with me to sample sex toys at a group party like your sampling a fucking cheese tray. I love Sex and the City as much as the next single girl, but I like to keep my business to myself. And I request you do the same when conversing with me. You want to tell me about your love life, fine. But the only place I want play-by-play is on Sportscenter.

Third complaint: Too fucking crowded.

Other than that, the event was pretty cool. I ended up buying a silver fortune cookie charm necklace. So, event planners: Add nachos, add space, and eliminate people that ask you inappropriate questions in public.

And on a totally unrelated note, Spiderman 3 comes out tomorrow. I have no idea why, but my friends seem to think I am some sort of ultimate Spiderman fan. This is actually totally false and I have no idea how the rumor got started. I enjoyed the first movie, despite an utter loathing of Kirsten Dunst. I saw Spiderman 2 on an airplane flying back from the west coast. I turned it off mid-movie. Just to clarify, I turned off the only entertainment available on a 7-hour flight. You draw your own conclusions. I actually have higher hopes for the third, but only because Topher Grace is in it and I find him pretty amusing. I won’t see it opening weekend or anything, like some superfans I know (cough Levi cough cough), but probably eventually…

The BEST tie-in commercial I’ve seen though (actually the best commercial I have seen so far this year):


Rachel said...

My favorite commercial that always makes me laugh is the Shrek peanutbutter M&M's Commercial where the cat and the donkey cant keep thier tounges in thier mouths because I dont know if you've ever given a dog peanut butter, or butter...but thats EXACTLY what they do. I thought it was just something my dog did till I saw that commercial actually.

plus whats better than Ogre sized peanut butter m&m's? I know jessica will agree with me on that one.

C said...

I'm going to make a prediction that Levi will love this post. Reasons:

1) He scoffs at accessories.
2) He scoffs at chick drinks.
3) He secretly loves "Toxic Hell."
4) He sometimes hums the Spiderman theme song in his sleep.
4) He webs that commercial. "Comcast and Spiderman overload? Yes, please."

C said...

Oh, also - he doesn't think anything is more ridiculous than Slumber Parties.

LameEvan said...

I think the whole Gwinn family does not get cised for Spiderman. However like you, many people expect me to be all about seeing it and are shocked when I tell them that I believe no Spiderman film, or for that matter comic book film (x-men, the incredible hulk, you name it) should ever be made. Despite their opening weekend box office numbers...we all know they suck, not to mention, I dont care what superhero it is, I Guaran-FUCKING-tee you that I can predict the movie. So why not just save the 8 dollars learn the villains powers and tricks and realize, that the villain WILL by all means WILL lose, and the superhero well get the girl, Oh yea, and the block of film between 35-10 minutes left in the movie, there will be some kind of problem for the superhero...however after 25 minutes, he will triumph.
-Sorry to anyone if I ruined any superhero film...but honestly, watch the trends.

Rachel said...

EVAN GWINN WE ARE SO IN A FIGHT! You might be an awesome spooner, and you hummor my random drunk texts about cheeseburgers in paradice...but once you talk badly about Xmen and Spiderman (i'm more sensitive about xmen) its all over.