11 May 2007

On the previous episode of "The Office"

Back from my meeting (mentioned in previous post). I think I can sum it up with this phrase: “Awesomely exceeded my expectations.”

First of all, I feel bad. I mischaracterized the Science consultant guy as Dwight. He’s definitely more of a Kevin. Other than that, I’ll just go thru the meeting chronologically, referring to my co-workers by their “Office” character name.

Me: [setting up meeting supplies]
Everyone else: [sitting around]
Michael Scott: I could really use some scotch tape, Leslie.
Me: [glaring as I continue setting up while he just sits there watching]
Michael Scott: Okkkkkkkkk. I guess I can go get it. [Goes to get scotch tape, returns. Stands at the end of the conference table and says:] “How close do you think I can get it to the edge of the table without it going over the edge?” [No answer. Hurls tape into the air. Hits the center of the conference table.]
Me: [completely blank stare].

Flipchart is now set up at the front of the room—
Michael Scott: Ok, well, I guess I’ll be “El Scribo” [takes the marker].
Me: [mental aside] Told you. (see previous pre-meeting post for reference)
Michael Scott: [Talks for about 10 minutes on the situation, then wraps up by saying in ‘cool guy’ voice] OK, well that’s about everything I can download to your systems right now.
Me: [mental aside] Cancel or allow?

Brainstorming session begins.

Around lunchtime—
Me: Should we order lunch? Do you guys like Thai food? Michael Scott suggested “Bua Thai.” Or we could get sandwiches somewhere else or something.
Michael Scott: I can’t eat anything white.
Me: What?
Michael Scott: I’m on a “no white food” diet.
Me: Are you being serious?
Michael Scott: No rice or anything.
Me: What about yogurt?
Michael Scott: Yeah, that’s fine.
Andy/Drew: Milk?
Michael: Yeah, well what I mean is I eat brown rice or whole wheat products.
Me: So really all you’re doing is replacing simple carbs with whole grains, soooo not really a no-white-food diet.
Michael: Well, I guess if you put it that way.
Me: [Go around the circle asking everyone what they want, Michael Scott is last to order].
Michael Scott: Ok, I will….have….the….Pad Thai.
Me: Um, you know, Pad Thai noodles are made of rice. WHITE rice.
Michael Scott: OK, I GET IT. Very funny. Just get me the Pad Thai.
Me: [chuckling as I write down the order and then ask Michael Scott…] Do you have the number for Bua in your cell phone?
Michael Scott: Yes, I sure do-ah.
Me: [mental aside] Pam, please tell me you heard that.

Later that afternoon, Michael Scott handed over the floor (not marker) to Andy/Drew for a few minutes to discuss how we should order the Power Point slides. I was pretty much sitting there with my mouth open in disbelief over the trivialness of the whole discussion. So then they start going back and forth over how many slides we should have. 10? 12? Should we meet halfway at 11? Then Andy/Drew goes over to the flip chart and begins counting how many slides we have listed (at a glacial pace):

Andy/Drew: 1……..2…….thr-
Me: Eleven.
Andy/Drew: 3…….4…..
Me: [now whispering] Eleven. Eleven. Eleven.
Andy/Drew: …5…How many does this item represent?
Me: Three, like it says in parentheses.
Andy/Drew: ….8….9……
Me: Eleven.
Andy/Drew: …….10……11. We have eleven slides. Is that too many or two few?
Me: [mental aside] OH. MY. GOD.
Michael Scott: You know, it would be great if we could incorporate a podcast on one of those slides. Can we do that?
Andy/Drew: Absolutely.
Michael Scott: Yeah, Leslie. Just do that slide so that a podcast just pops out, and LOOK! There’s video!”
Leslie: [mental aside] You have no idea what a podcast is. Maybe you should Wikipedia that term.

I went into that meeting at 11 a.m. Got out at 2. I can’t believe I still have brain function. Have a nice weekend, everyone.


Rachel said...

wow......i kinda wish i could work there just so i could attend meetings

Shamra said...

That was the most incredible blog I've ever read. Thanks for the entertainment.

thestark said...

Leslie, you truly have a gift.