This week on "The Office"

I really hope I don’t regret posting this later. But a couple of weeks ago I was sitting in Rachel’s apartment watching a Tivo’d episode of The Office and something ridiculous was happening onscreen and I commented “How could anyone deal with having a boss as ridiculous as Michael Scott?” To which Rachel replied, “Um, isn’t your boss kind of like that?”

That is when and where I had a workplace epiphany.

It’s true, I am working for Michael Scott. It’s hard to explain in one post, but if you spent longer than a couple of days around him you’d totally understand. He swears by Wikipedia. He listens to island music. I wouldn’t put him past bringing in a steel drum for office morale. He gets totally hyped up on at least one new “idea” every week and can’t focus on anything but that. He won’t stop talking about it until it inevitably fizzles (which I saw coming from the get-go). He serial dates (basically) the same exact girl for about 6-9 months at a time, then amicably breaks up with her and ends up dating her clone in less than 2 weeks flat. He doesn’t see a pattern in that. He comes into my office and a just starts telling me completely un-work-related stories on the regular while I just kind of sit there awkwardly and nod my head. If there were a camera crew following me around, I’d be throwing in “little comments” and awkward looks right and left, a la Jim. Since I’ve been on Google chat, Rachel is usually the IM recipient of my “Jim asides.”

And similar to Michael Scott, once you get past all that ridiculousness, he’s generally a likeable guy.

So, that was epiphany #1.

#2 came during a conference call with our office president in Philadelphia. I wish I had a recording of the two of them interacting and could post it as an mp3 file on here, because those two have their own “cool guy” language. And by cool I mean “ridiculously lame.” Think Rob Schneider’s office copier guy skit from SNL. If I could post a recording of those two, you’d immediately be able to I.D. Philly boss as the Andy/Drew character from The Office. He likes to repeat things you say in a funny voice, speak in jargon, is always turned to "network," crushes your hand when he shakes it, and I’m pretty sure he wrote this line: “Just call me William Doolittle. AKA Will Do.”

Why am I telling you this? Because today at 11 I have a brainstorming meeting scheduled with Michael Scott, Andy/Drew (he’s commuting in for the meeting from Philly) and…Dwight Schrute. Yeah, that’s right. Today at the meeting, the Dwight character will be played by a Scientist consultant we bring in for some of our more technical projects. We met him through a science organization that my Company is a part of. I was forced to attend the Christmas party for this organization last year and it is made up of the biggest bunch of misfits I’ve ever encountered. Rather than mingle at the party, I decided to park it at the bar for the duration of the night where I spoke to a 50-something Scientist with an almost indecipherable stutter. This was the better alternative than having to face a crowd of socially retarded geeks rocking out to that night’s entertainment: a science jingle singing band. You think I’m making this up, but I assure you, I could not make this up.

Alright, so I've got an hour until meeting time today...in which I have to place a take out order for thai food (that's what Michael Scott has chosen for "catering"...Although I wish we were taking a field trip to Benihana) and find one of those big flip charts on a tripod. And markers- "Don't forget markers. That's important." (No, I didn't make that quote up either). I'm pretty sure no one but Michael Scott is going to get to hold the marker during the meeting.

Since I don't have a video camera or g-chat to record my asides, I'll be sure to write them down on a legal pad and scan that in. Wish me luck.