15 June 2007

The "Top 5" Challenge.

From the title of my last post, you may have picked up on my recent nostalgic appreciation for the early-90’s television show GUTS! The passion really fired up again when my friend Sarah was considering buying an authentic piece of the Agro-Crag on Ebay for $125 as a wedding present for her then soon-to-be husband. So when Rachel sent me a link to D.C. United player Bobby Boswell’s blog post from Tuesday, including a video with commentary on his competition on GUTS!, I knew this guy was going to be my new favorite soccer player. This was confirmed yesterday when I read on the Washington Post’s Sports Blog about Bobby also being known as “The Cereal Whisperer.” People submit their “top five” cereals list and he judges them solely based on the list.

Rachel said she wanted to submit her top five cereals and was able spit her list right out. I however, can’t just spit out a top 5 list like that. I need to think about it. Because I will hold myself to that list. So I did think about it, and here it is:

Top Five Cereals
1. Crispix
2. Special K (especially with sliced bananas in it)
3. Honey Nut Cheerios
4. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
5. Honey Bunches of Oats

After thinking long and hard about that list, I decided I wanted to make more lists and Rachel suggested my next list be “Top Five Planets.” (She would). Then I had a marvelous idea. I thought that I would poll some of my friends for “list suggestions.” The rules were that they could choose any one topic and I would post my top five on that topic in my blog today. So, here we go. My tops fives based on your suggested topics:

Topic Contributor: Rachel S.
Top 5 Planets

Favorite: Mine's the sun. Always has been. I like it because it's like the king of planets.

Wait—Well, I’m told it’s actually not a planet, it's a star.

Well! Planet or star, when that thing burns out were all gonna be dead. (http://snltranscripts.jt.org/96/96tspace.phtml)

OK, Real list:
1. Earth
2. Venus
3. Neptune
4. Jupiter
5. Mars

Topic Contributor: Sarah R-D’A
Sarah decided to submit a “Top 5” list of topics for me to select from. Here is her list of suggestions:
1. Top 5 reasons why hot dogs are delicious
2. Top 5 porn movie names
3. Top 5 drinks you cannot live without (non alcoholic or alcoholic, specific brand, size, how you take it (like coffee))
4. Top 5 years in the history of the world and why
5. Top 5 people you would like to see Evan marry and why

I was going to go Topic 3 because I have strong opinions on it. But I am going to really going to extend myself and go Topic 5.

Top 5 people I would like to see Evan marry and why:
1. Tina Fey- He thinks she’s hot and I want to be bound to her by law. Also, maybe she can introduce me to Alec (wink wink)
2. Old Gregg- Lifetime supply of Bailey’s, Old Gregg already has a wedding dress, and Evan said to me on the phone Wednesday night “Old Gregg has officially changed my life.” (Who is Old Gregg?)
3. Oprah-This would be the first step towards Gwinn world domination.
4. Jennifer Connelly- She is the hottest woman alive. Go Evan!
5. Paris Hilton- There is an extortion plan involved in my reasoning, but I can’t really talk about it on here. Don’t worry Evan, with all that Hilton money, you can afford the lifetime supply of Valtrex that you will surely need after consummating the marriage.

Apparently my friends don’t fall far from the tree (I guess the tree being me??), as Charlotte ALSO sent a top five list of topics for me to choose from. Here are her suggestions:

1. Top 5 Albums (Where you listen to the entire thing and like every song)
2. Top 5 Desserts
3. Top 5 Movies starring Alec Baldwin
4. Top 5 Reasons to Vote
5.(My personal choice!) Top 5 Reasons Todd Stark should join G-Chat

Honestly, the Alec Baldwin list is tempting, but I can only think of three MOVIES I really loved him in (The Departed, Beetle Juice and Running With Scissors). All of my fondest memories involve Saturday Night Live. So I’m going to do:

Top Five SNL Sketches Starring Alec Baldwin:
1. Schweddy Balls
2. Canteen Boy
3. Robert Goulet’s Red Ships of Spain
4. HOLY EFF! I AM INTERRUPTING MY TOP 5 LIST TO BRING YOU A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT. Did you know that THIS exists?! I want it. I need it. I have to have it. (From Amazon.com’s review: “He never gets flustered or seems at all concerned about making a complete ass of himself.”)
5. Morning Drive (with Kristin Wiig): “Bobby McFerrin raped my grandmother.”

…And then a real list suggested by Charlotte: Desserts. Because I’m just not ready to commit to my top five albums quite yet.

Top Five Desserts
1. Magnolia Cupcake (chocolate cake with pastel icing)
2. Funnel cake with powdered sugar (must be purchased from a fair/carnival/boardwalk-type establishment)
3. The chocolate cake from Macaroni Grill
4. Jell-O Chocolate Pudding with Extra…Like seriously a LOT of …Cool Whip Topping
5. Orange Sherbert with a fortune cookie on top. I like fortunes.

Topic Contributor: Evan
Top Five Reasons to hate Ohio State
1. Their sports fans are douchebags
2. Their mascot is a nut. A literal nut. And that is totally gay.
3. How they fuck are they so good at EVERY sport?
4. If you know anyone who has been murdered or mysteriously “disappeared” in the greater Columbus area in the past couple of years, Greg Oden might have done it. I don’t have any hard evidence, but he kind of has that look about him, doesn’t he?
5. Jim Tressel wears a sweatervest. And that is totally gay.

Topic Contributor: Kristin
Top 5 Quotes (There was some initial confusion over how we were going to narrow down the topic- at first she said “Top 5 quotes,” but after some back and forth, I finally decided on the final criteria for the topic. Top five quotes overheard at or by friends at school. I didn’t realize until I made this list how many AWESOME one-liners our friend Jeff has had over the years. He dominates the list. Also note that some quotes require pretext, so in those cases, the actual quote is in bold)

1. Lady buts in front of us as we’re ordering food at the State College McDonald’s, throws a hamburger on the counter, and says to the 15-year old cashier: “Excuse me, (looks at name tag) Austin? I asked for extra ketchup, but this is ridiculous. Whoever made this sandwich is and ASSHOLE.”

2. Guys versus girls Trivial pursuit game. Mike reads question to Leslie: “Scott Adams created this frozen vegetarian item due to popularity of his office-themed comic strip.”

Leslie: No idea. I challenge.

Bob: Wait. Wait, I think I know.

Mike: You’re never going to get this. If you get this, I will shoot myself in the head.

Jeff (looks at answer on card): I will strip down and start dancing naked on this table.

Leslie: I will slam this triple shot of Goldschlager.

Bob: The Dilburrito.

3. Police officer: OK, we’re going to need you to come down and make a statement. What we’re going to need you to do is be very descriptive in your account and use words like “allegedly” and “approximately.”

Jeff: Yeah. I know. I watch Law and Order.

4. Alumni section of Beaver stadium, Jeff throws up a “Dixie cup” amount of vomit on the man seated in front of him. Man turns around: “You’re killin’ me, man.”
Jeff: I know.

5. Kristin and I are riding around Paris in a mini-car with only a GPS system guiding our driver (her Dad). We’ve been lost for a good 45 minutes and the driving and turns are getting so out of hand we think we’re about to die: “It’s like a video game. Except real life. WITH REAL LIVES!

Finally, Todd also submitted five topics for me to choose from. Seeing as how I’m leaving DC in a couple months, I thought this would be a fitting leave-behind:

Topic Contributor: Todd
Top five places to go in DC

1.Black Cat- Best place for live shows or just hanging out and having a beer.
2. Ben's Chili Bowl- Order a chili dog with everything and chili cheese fries. And if you're in the mood for cardiac arrest, a cherry milkshake.
3. Dupont Circle- on a nice day, just to sit, read and people-watch
4. The Hirshhorn- Modern Art Gallery. Free. On the mall. My favorite museum.
5. Fado- Irish pub in Chinatown. Monday nights is trivia night.

Voila! I hope my lists gave you some insight into me, or were at the very least, entertaining. I challenge you to select any topic I’ve listed and make your own top five list in the comment area. Enjoy the weekend!


Rachel said...

My top five comments on this post

1. Why wasnt I one of the top 5 people for Evan to marry?

2. Charlotte is right, Todd SHOULD join gchat...i just asked him yesterday why i havent seen him on it yet...still awaiting response

3. Good choice with the planets. I probably would have swapped out neptune for uranus b/c it makes me laugh

4. you need more sugar in your cereal

5. I'm glad you specified "rachel s" so that people didnt get confused which rachel it was...you dont want to accidentally call the wrong rachel ;)

Evan said...

crispix is money! i never get it though. I'm always eating smart start or honey bunches of oats. I'm totally opting for the tina fey situation to play out. and you forgot that ohio state ended our hockey season this year...so there is one more reason to hate them.

Shamra said...

I'm sad that "That makes me think of Ferris Bueller's Day Off [cricket, cricket]. . ." did not make the quote cut.

C said...

You forgot this little gem:


Kristin said...

i was only there for 2/5 quotes from my list!

ps - i vote for evan to take old gregg as his bride.