01 March 2007

Verizon Center "Treats"

I went to the Wizards-Heat game last night. Which unfortunately, my Wizzies lost. Gilbert needs to fucking get it together, he’s had a few shitty games lately. D-Wade didn’t play last night, but in general I respect his skills. And I’ve always liked Shaq too, ever since that movie Kazaam! (I actually never saw that, but I wanted to throw in the reference). But I do not, REPEAT DO NOT, like the Heat. Mainly because they beat the Mavs (my 2nd favorite team) in the finals last year. Last night just added a little hash mark of hate next to their name on my mental chalkboard.

Also, for some reason Gary Payton still plays in the NBA. Who knew? He was all over the game last night too. Just before halftime he fouled someone and they showed him on the big screen and Mike turns to me and goes: “Gary Payton?? What the hell is he doing on the Heat?” About five minutes later they show him on the jumbotron again and I hear the guy behind me go “Gary Payton? What?!?” So anyway, in case you guys aren’t aware, Gary Payton is alive and well in NBA basketball.

When you go to a game at the Verizon Center, they always have the same games/contests/entertainment. The Dunkin’ Donuts race (this is relatively new and our section won last night but they never brought us our free coffee coupon), The Dance Cam, The Kiss Cam, the Chevy Chase Bank Card $100 giveaway (pretty much the only contest I am interested in winning), and the Chipotle Burrito Dash. The Chipotle Burrito Dash is where random Wizards staff run through the stadium giving people burritos. People start jumping over their dates and batting their row mates out of the way to get the attention of the burrito gatekeepers. Whenever I go to games I pretty much always make the same exact comment: “Who wants to win a cold mystery burrito?”

I’ll be the first one to tell you that I CISE Chipotle. It’s a delicious compact meal that can sustain you for about 24-hours. But if someone is handing you a mass-produced, one-pound burrito wrapped in foil—the contents of which are just whatever meat and combination of toppings they decide to slap on—and then let them sit in a bucket until after halftime and then throw them at you in the crowd- excuse me if I don’t stand up and make a fool of myself to try and get you to hurl a mystery burrito my way. I mean “WIN” one.

I sat next to Mike during the game and he had a similar complaint about some Wisconsin sports team (sorry Mike, they are all the same to me) giving away large pizzas during games. But this is totally a different situation. Everyone loves a cheese pizza and you would probably be the most popular fan in your section if you just took a slice and passed it around. Sharing the love, if you will. You can’t just take a bite of a burrito and pass it around. And can some mathematician help me out? There are 5 different “meats” you can get in your burrito, 3 different “beans” OR “fajita veggies” you can get with your meat selection, 4 different salsas, cheese, sour cream, lettuce, and Guac (for $1.50 extra). Can someone calculate out how many combinations of burritos are possible? On top of that, calculate the odds that the burrito I want (Chicken Fajita with Hot Salsa, Corn Salsa, Cheese and Guac) is the one the Wizards intern throws at me in the stadium? Then calculate how swiftly the burrito loses heat through the foil if they make them at the beginning of the game and pass them out during the third quarter. Is that even safe to eat?

Why don’t you fill that foil with coupons for free burritos and then we’ll talk?

Anyway, since I make the same comment of every game, I figure I better explain my rationale. And now I have a new thesis that a burrito is a much more personal gift than a pizza. So if anyone brings me a burrito on a first date, that means we’re moving too fast and I will probably dump you.


Rachel said...

one of my best childhood moments was when my dad brought me to see Shaq play for the orlando magic (way back) against my celtics at the boston garden! ever since then shaq has had a place in my heart.

Rachel said...

also mike and i may have tried to calculate the burrito combo last night...involving factorials of course...but we decided it was impossible b/c you can have two meats or even three leaving open even more combos. He told me he was going to calculate this at work today...so we'll see what he comes up with.

LG said...

I didn't even know you guys had discussed the calculations.

Just another reason why we're friends.

RQB said...

What?? You can't even mention you saw your first ZERO paycheck? Like seriously, it cost more for them to print and package the thing!

joe said...

the calculation seems pretty simple... just figure that every single ingredient is optional. I don't have a menu on me to figure it out with, but there are 2^(# of possible ingredients -1) combinations.

joe said...

also if you keep a whole bunch of burritos in a large box i think they might stay hot through an entire basketball quarter.