06 February 2007

I met the Hamburglar.

Sometimes unexpected occurrences in life make any given situation that much more AWESOME. For example, let’s say you had tickets to the sold out Wizards/Lakers game Saturday night and by chance entered the Verizon Center through the entrance where they had just opened a Dunkin Donuts in the arena that week. And at that Dunkin Donuts, not only did they sell DUNKIN DONUTS COFFEE for street value ($2/cup), but they also served chocolate Munchkins™ by the cupful. Surprise! This is a true story. And I’ll leave it to you to decide if we did or did not get a cup of Munchkins for the game and another cup to bring to the bar after the game.

Example #2, The “Situation”: After heading out from Marie’s birthday party in Adam’s Morgan, T-Bone/Tibs, R-Bone/Ribs and “nickname that will go unmentioned but originally given to me by Sham-bone, not Will or Mike”/Libs (translation: Tristan, Rachel and I) went to the LAMEST PARTY EVER to meet up with Mike, Will and Ted. We may very well have been the only girls there, and the alcohol supply had already been kicked. So Ted’s visiting friend decided he needed food and he needed right now.

A couple people were pretty adamant about going to Popeye’s for some reason (probably because their biscuits are MONEY), but we ended up at the 17th Street McDonalds. The Gay McDonalds (if you live in DC you know that’s actually a statement of fact, I’m not just throwing around the word “Gay”.) Ribs and Tibs and "Will and Ted’s excellent entourage" got in line, while Ted and I sat at a table and Mike sat at the table next to us, diagonally across from Ted (I condisered drawing a diagram, because positioning is important for what is about to happen).

And here’s is where it gets awesome:

There is a McDonald’s bag on the table. I don’t bother to look at what’s in it, I just hand it to Ted and he doesn't really question the gift. The events of the next couple of seconds are a bit of a blur, but all I remember is Tristan comes back, stands behind Mike and Ted says: “Hey Tristan, watch this.”

Ted hurls the bag at Mike’s face, hits his glasses off, chipping part of the glass and gives him a red eye. At this point, we actually had no idea what was in the bag.

Turns out it was not a rock, as Mike had thought, but what had happened was that Mike just took a DOLLAR MENU DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER TO THE FACE.

T-Bone got a bag of ice and Ribs came back from being in line, having no idea what had just happened. But she finds it appropriate to give Ted her Wizards jersey that she’d been carrying around since after the game and instruct Ted to put it on over his winter coat. Thus, the birth of “Obese Arenas.”

The post burger-to-the-face fallout included a demand from Mike for Ted to “Eat the Faceburger.”

We all pretty much agreed with Mike, so Ted took a bite out of the Faceburger. Then T-Bone took Mike home to console him about his broken glasses and burger wound. Shortly thereafter, Ted exclaimed, “WE NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS MCDONALDS.”

He was right. We did.

Maybe one day I will tell you the story about how I got kicked out of a McDonalds in State College. Or maybe my friend Sham-bone/Shambles (Translation: Shamra) will, because the only thing I remember was being scolded by the management for causing a scene and being asked to leave. Much like the events leading up to Burgergate 2007, the circumstances of my State College McDonald’s blacklisting are pretty much a blur.

(if photo won't load, click here)

I mean, they kind of have similar glasses. I'm just sayin'.


Anonymous said...

We got kicked out of State College McDonalds? Not that its not possible, just that I don't remember it.

Rachel said...

1. I was in the ladies room, not in line for food since evidently I ate all of that guy's fries and soda. its ok cuse he was wearing a boston hat so he must be cool.


LG said...

shit maybe you weren't with me. it could have been Sarah. clearly there was some sort of substance distorting either one of our memories. but it DEFINITELY happened.