Liberation Dance Party, The Screenplay.

Scene 1: Sarah, R-bone (Rachel), & LG at the early stages of Liberation Dance Party @ DC9 on Friday night. A bunch of hipsters are standing around trying to look cool, not yet drunk enough to dance beyond the headbop/knee jerk (during the next scene in which the most terrible local band ever plays, this will be referred to as the “courtesy head bop”). A tall gentleman dressed in a hooded sweatshirt, Kangol baseball hat, and nikes (quite a misnomer from the hipster crowd) starts some sort of unidentified mischief on the dance floor…

LG: [Pointing to guy] Wow. I can already tell that guy is going to be a menace tonight.

R-bone: Oh. Definitely.

LG: For the purpose of the rest of the night, we’ll just refer to that guy as “Dennis the Menace.”

R-bone: OK.

Scene 2: LDP’s “DJ Bill” is rudely interrupted by a live set from the band “The Perfects.” Musically, I’ll just say, it was not good, and leave it at that. Appearance-wise, the lead singer looked like he rummaged through wardrobe on the Cosby Show (don’t even get me started on his twin brother, the keyboard player in a full-on suit. Saturday Night Live circa 1999 couldn’t create better mise-en-scène and the keyboardist would definitely be played by Horatio Sanz). During the tail end of the set, Dennis the Menace sidles up beside me and stands there for a minute. Having already pegged this guy from the beginning of the night, Rachel can barely contain her laughter as Dennis the Menace leans over to my ear…

DTMenace: I’m seriously punk rock, too. [note: clearly not.]

LG: Excuse me?

DTM: Well you look like a punk rock kind of girl. Just letting you know. I dig it.

LG: Um. OK.

DTM: This band kind of sucks, but I’d pay $20 for a ticket if they changed their name to “Fat Guy In a Sweater.”

LG: [Laughing hysterically]. Oh my god. Tell her. [points to Rachel].

DTM: No. That’s probably her boyfriend, isn’t it? Or she’s like best friends with the band.

LG: Absolutely not. I think she’ll agree wholeheartedly with your statement. [DTM tells Rachel and conversation continues.]

DTM: OK, I am going to give you guys a choice. Which band would you rather see: “Skinny Guy in a Sweater. Fat Guy in a Sweater. Or….MIDGET in a Sweater?”

LG & R-bone, Simultaneously: Midget in a Sweater.

DTM: Book it.

[Band ends, Rachel exits the conversation with DTM & LG in obvious wing-girl fashion and talks with Sarah]

DTM: What’s your name?

LG: Leslie. What’s yours?

DTM: I’m Dennis.

LG: What? Did you say your name was Dennis? DENNIS. Seriously? Are you sure?

DTM: Yeah, I’m Dennis.

LG: Ummmm, you have to meet my friend. RACHEL!! Come here. RACHEL. [Rachel comes over]. This is my friend Rachel.

[LG to self: Say it….SAAAAAAY IT…]

DTM: Hey Rachel, I’m Dennis.

R: [Turns to Leslie] Is he being serious? Dennis?

LG: Yes.

INTERMISSION
I am omitting the second act specifics, but will summarize it by saying Dennis the Menace followed me around all night. Sarah got LITERALLY picked up on the street by a large Asian man. Rachel was pursued by a gentleman who wouldn’t specify what he did, but assured her “I make a lot of money.” And we all agreed that Electric Six’s video for “Danger! High Voltage!” was inexplicably overlooked at the VMA’s. You Tube it. Seriously, do it.